December 27, 2018
It’s kind of weird, but in relationships with some married women there are times I’d like to say, “I wish we could go away together for the holidays,” or, “I’d like to make slow, passionate love to you,” or maybe, “I wish we’d made a few babies together.” But instead I just, “Thank you for the Christmas card,” or, “Merry Christmas.”
December 16, 2018
I had a good meditation going this morning. I was wide awake, and if there was any thought in my mind it would have been, “focus … focus … focus,” but even that wasn’t there, it was just intense meditation. Technically I was meditating on something called the Anapana Spot, but that’s a not a big deal, it’s just something to focus on. I could have been focusing on my breathing, a candle, or a mantra, but I don’t think that matters as much as the intensity of the meditation matters.
November 25, 2018
In a dream last night I became a little lucid. I was outside somewhere – in the dream I felt like I knew where I was, but awake I can’t recall it – and I decided to walk towards a main road. I took a few steps toward the road, and I can recall that there was grass all around me and there were many trees along both sides of the road. I felt the urge to fly, so I turned to my right, leaned forward and jumped into the flying process.
October 28, 2018
A long time ago I was madly in love with a girl that I worked with, and she was in love with me. Problem was, we were both with other people at that time, and we both had decisions to make about our relationships.
October 27, 2018
I noticed during my meditation this morning that my breathing had stopped. Not in a bad way, but a good way. I was meditating on something else, but this observation made me decide to quit focusing on that object and pay attention to my body. I eventually realized that I was breathing from time to time, but it was very shallow and very slow.
October 24, 2018
I had to travel a lot recently, something like 6.5 weeks out of the last eight. One day about two weeks ago when I was away from home and meditating I had the thought, “You should take a picture of that picture of X that’s in the lobby of the apartment complex when you get back home.”
The picture that thought referred to was of a woman who works at the apartment complex I live in. She and I have had some good conversations over the last few years, and she’s been a great friend to me. But at least in part because I’ve learned that relationships between men and women can be complicated, we never exchanged phone numbers or email addresses. (Had we met ten years earlier I would have certainly asked her out.)
Getting back to the story, when the thought, “You should take a picture of that picture” came to me I thought, “Wow, that’s kind of pervy. Maybe I’ve been living alone too long.” But then as if in response to that thought, a second thought came to me, “Because you’ll never see her again.”
May 28, 2018
When I was in New Mexico I met a woman who suggested that I needed to quit fighting a particular feeling I have been experiencing. She said that it was my heart chakra attempting to open, but each time it started to open, my Little Ego wouldn’t surrender, it held on to things as they are for dear life. She said that if I would just let go, I’d be on the path to loving all humans unconditionally.
May 6, 2018
When you read advanced meditation books it’s interesting to find authors say that psychic phenomena is common in advanced states. But it’s even more interesting to see the authors follow that statement by saying that as fascinating as those things are, they’re not important; if you let go of your attachment to them, you’ll find something even more spectacular...
May 5, 2018
When our lives are hit with big changes, it can take a while before we can wrap our head around how to deal with those changes.
February 4, 2018
Seems like it’s time for another break from Facebook. I intentionally tried to use it over the last two-plus months, but using it reminds me of two things. First, I have very little in common with most other humans.
Second, thinking about posting things on Facebook takes me away from the present moment. Instead of immersing myself in the moment I might think, “Oh, so and so on Facebook might enjoy a picture or little story about this.”
January 27, 2018
Pretty much thought I died this past Wednesday night (January 24, 2018). For some reason my heart has been pounding hard lately, especially at night. Wednesday night it was pounding very hard, then I had extremely severe chest pain, and I just tried to hold on, paying attention to each moment.
The pain got severe, then it suddenly stopped, and I figured I was dead, and this was the last moments of consciousness, or maybe I was heading towards the Bardo, or something else. Then I realized that by focusing very intently I started an OBE.
December 29, 2017
For a little while last night I was walking around the apartment, doing things, and generally thinking I was awake. Then when I went into the bathroom and flipped on the light switch and the lights didn’t come on, I knew I was asleep. I don’t know why light switches don’t work in this state, but I hope to find out one day. (It used to freak me out, but these days I just think, “Oh, crap, I’m asleep.”)
December 19, 2017
I started practicing yoga with Judi Rice when she taught introductory courses in the evenings at a local university. She taught one class a week for eight weeks, introducing a few new poses each week. This was back in the late 1990s, and I was in my late thirties.
September 28, 2017
In the strangest thing that’s happened to me recently, a man who is a local celebrity died four days ago. And then he died again today.
I wish I could tell you the details, but I don’t even know them. All I know for sure is that in my mind he clearly died three or four days ago. If anyone had asked me yesterday if he was alive, I would have 100% said, “No, he died a few days ago.” And then on the radio today they announced that he just passed away during the night.
September 13, 2017
Tequila writing here tonight, and filed under “Weird Thought of the Day” ... after you break up with someone, every once in a while you look back and think, “I wish I knew that was the last time we were going to have sex,” or more generally, “I wish I knew that was the last time we were going to do XYZ together.”
I don’t if I’d change anything, or could change anything, but it’s more like a feeling that you might remember that thing more if you knew going in, “This is the last time.”
September 10, 2017
I got my butt kicked this morning. I went to bed late, got up at 7:30am, decided I needed a little more sleep, then woke up in a hospital after a surgery.
Long story short, I had some sort of surgery on my abdomen, and the recovery from that surgery was miserable and exhausting. By the time I woke up in my own bed I could barely move from the exhaustion.
September 4, 2017
Due to the high doses of necessary medications I’ve been taking, I haven’t had many interesting lucid dreams or vision-like things recently, but last night I had a brief vision.
For some reason I was looking out the window of the first home I ever bought, and as I was doing so, my wife’s grandmother appeared and began walking across the front lawn towards the window. I was lucid at this point, and asked how she was doing — she passed away almost 20 years ago — and she said something like, “fine” (I don’t remember her exact words.)
August 18, 2017
Nurse: Do you wake up tired?
Me (muttering): You have no idea.
Doctor: What’s that?
Me: Yes, I wake up tired.