Tequila/Monk

My senses changing even more after a yoga retreat

February 21, 2009

It has been a week now since I came back from my yoga retreat, and I want to write some notes here before I get sucked up into the business world and too far away from my feelings at the end of this trip.

I can’t seem to describe this properly, but my mini-enlightenment from last weekend — including discussions with very nice yoga students — involves how the Spiritual I (possibly “the soul”) relates to the Physical I, and from there to the rest of the physical universe.

I’ve written here before about my OBEs, and I think I’ve also written that there are times when my senses during the day are different. This doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens often enough: when sounds occur, not only do I hear them in my ears, but I feel them ripple on my skin. People’s voices also don’t sound like words, but more like a connection of musical notes, like when the parents talk in one of those Peanuts Christmas shows (”wonk wonk wonk”).

Sight is also different, and this happens much more often than the sound effects happen. At times what I see is one connected, fluidic whole, and it’s hard to distinguish constructs like “people” from the surroundings. (To add a little levity to this, these effects make it very interesting to be in business meetings with other people. I really have to focus to know who is talking, and what they are saying.)

I don’t know where I go from here, but the first part of this is that it feels like a purification of the senses, like returning to the state of a newborn child.

The next part is that the Spiritual I is beginning to feel disconnected from the Physical I — receding? — and the Physical I feels like a portal between the physical world and “something else”. I guess if you believe in a soul this is already obvious, but for me there’s a difference in my having faith in this, having my experiences at night, and now feeling this during the day.

I assumed because of this that my attachments might go away, but I’m still very attached to things like money, and on Thursday — when I heard that a relative of a friend was sick, and then that my mom was having a lot of problems — I felt great sadness. I thought “These are people I care about here in the Physical World, how can I not be sad?” I don’t know how to deal with this yet, other than to be present in these situations, and deal with them with love. I do take comfort in knowing that there’s more to life than just these human forms, but it hasn’t really helped with the pain that much.

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