Tequila/Monk

Having to leave quickly for brain surgery

July 5, 2014

At roughly 3pm this afternoon I laid down on my recliner to listen to one of these free meditation recordings. I thought the guided meditation was good, but I was very tired, and fell asleep somewhere around halfway through it. When I woke up it was nearly 5pm, but rather than feeling refreshed, I felt exhausted, horrible.

I don’t think the feeling had anything to do with the meditation recording, it was that feeling of being “more there than here”, and I’ve come to think of this feeling as my soul telling me it wants or needs to be somewhere else. It’s hard to describe the feeling accurately; all I can think to say is that it’s a feeling of total exhaustion, and you know that you have to lay down, and in my case, I know I’m going to have an OBE.

I had to go to the bathroom, so I managed to do that before crawling into bed at 5:10pm. I knew an OBE was about to happen, and I also knew I was exhausted and it would happen fast, so I tried to control the falling asleep process as much as possible. I tried to hang on and make it happen slowly. As I did, I could hear and feel the usual sucking/pulling sounds that happen when it feels like my soul (energy body, astral body) is rapidly leaving my physical body. It’s like my soul is leaving the physical body before the physical body is asleep, so I get this extra sucking/pulling sound/feeling.

Brain surgery

As far as I can tell I was instantly in another place, and someone was drilling into my skull. “Fuck, what is this?”, I thought. I tried to think, and I tried to think fast. I thought maybe I was at the dentist, bit no, the feeling was very distinct. Someone was drilling into the top, right portion of my skull. It was dark, and I couldn’t open my eyes. I was attached to this body, and someone was drilling into its skull.

As I think about it now -- I can still feel where the drilling was happening -- the drilling area about two inches above the top of my right ear, and just a little bit towards the front. I’m familiar with pain near that area because back here in the physical world I had a concussion near that area in 2010, but this was in a slightly different area.

I panicked. All I could think was that I was associated with someone’s body -- maybe someone else’s body here or in another universe, or even attached to my body in the future -- and I was awake during an operation. I didn’t want to have anything to do with this, and as I panicked even more, I realized I couldn’t make that body move. The drilling continued. I continued to panic and fight, thinking, “Get out of here, now, Now, NOW,” until eventually I was no longer there.

The front door scene

I was now in a scene that I’ve experienced many times before. It has to do with being concerned about the security of a front door of an apartment. I keep working with the door to make sure it’s closing properly. It’s almost like an OCD behavior, because I keep closing it, then checking that it’s closed, then worry that it’s not closed right, etc. I no longer have an interest in that scene/act/play, so I got out of there as well.

Other

Some other things happened that I can’t recall, and I stayed in bed while I started to wake up, then drifted off, then woke up again, with various scenes coming and going. This must have gone on for quite some time, because it was 7:10pm before I got out of bed. I felt okay; I wasn’t exhausted like before, but I felt like throwing up like I usually do after one of these events where I have to leave the body suddenly. It was a weird feeling tonight because I was also hungry, and the combination of feeling like you have to throw up while you’re also hungry is kind of bizarre.

Regret

In retrospect I wish I had stayed with the brain surgery. It’s obvious that my soul wanted/needed to be there, but my rational/irrational mind sure as heck didn’t want to be there. Had I stayed there with a calm, open mind, I’m sure I would have learned more, but I just couldn’t do it.

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