This doesn’t end well
I know that what I’m going through probably isn’t going to end well. I’ve known that for a long time, but I keep trying to fight it. (I’m not talking about suicide, I’m talking about insanity.)
I can’t tell you how hard it is to go through these things several nights a week and then wake up in my own bed, shaking out of control ... I don’t think that could possibly make sense to anyone who has never gone through this. Or going to the grocery store while all your body wants to do is have another OBE. Yeah, try explaining that.
I tried drinking some lately to help stop the effects, but I really don’t like that; at the very least it makes me feel almost as bad the next day. So I’m going to keep chugging along, try to get better at this, try more yoga to help my body get through this, and try to keep my sanity. But I know there’s a good chance I won’t. I also know that it’s too late to turn around, and really, trying to turn around and live a “normal” life seems worse than insanity.