True confessions (and marital temptations)
After yesterday’s story about married men and women trying to be good friends (I love you just the way you are), I have another “true confessions” story today. FWIW, I hope to be off of this topic soon. I think what’s making me think of these things is that one of my nieces is getting married soon, and so all of these stories are coming up every day.
Once again our story takes place many moons ago. In this story I had a job where I was working from home, and my wife had a regular job at a place of employment. One afternoon, probably around 3:30pm, I came into the kitchen and started making some coffee for my afternoon. As I started to make the coffee I could see out into the driveway, which was on the back side of the house, and I watched as someone pulled in. After a few moments I could tell that it was a friend of my wife’s. “Odd,” I thought.
She came in the back door of the house, which was a more convenient entrance than the front door. As she came in I said/asked some combination of “My wife isn’t here,” “What brings you here?”, and “I’m just making some coffee, would you like some?” I don’t remember what I said exactly, other than it was some combination of those things. I don’t remember her reply to “What brings you here?”, but she did say she’d have some coffee.
I was in my young-30s at this time, and I think this girl was a little younger than me. In the few times I had met her I always thought she was very pretty, and today she looked especially pretty, apparently dressed up for something. I remember thinking that maybe she and my wife had made some plans to go shopping or something else I didn’t know about.
I didn’t know her well and our conversation was awkward, and a little unusual. “Where’s __ (my wife)?”, she asked.
“Still at work,” I replied, thinking to myself that she must know that, she knows where my wife works. As I was making the coffee and then getting some coffee mugs, my back was often to her, but I noticed that she kept getting closer to me, moving from an area near our large picture window, then the table, and then just a few feet away from me.
Then she asked, “When does __ (my wife) come home?” With my back still to her I replied that she usually comes home around 5-5:30pm. I remember thinking, “Huh, I guess they’re not meeting here for something, I wonder what’s up?” When I turned to face her, I was stunned. She had just taken off her sweater, and was standing there in tight jeans and a bra, her hair messed up from just pulling her sweater off. Before I could even think, she asked if I “wanted her.”
Well, let’s see. She’s a pretty young woman, and I now know that her body is even more beautiful than her face. If I was a single man we would have made love right there on the kitchen table. Or the floor. Or maybe I would have picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom. Hopefully all of those things. “Did I want her?” Speaking as a young male, um, yes.
But unable to speak at all as a married man, I just looked at her. My brain wasn’t working. Some conflict was rattling around in there that “of course I want to be with a beautiful woman,” but also that I am a married man, and at this point in my marriage I wasn’t unhappy. About seven years before this my wife and I had some very difficult times, with my wife walking out one night. But somehow we worked through that situation, and having sex with another woman wasn’t anything I’d really thought about since that time. (Sure, you have your fantasies, but I never really thought, “I really wish so and so would come over to the house this afternoon for some steamy sex.”)
To this day I’ll never know what I might have done. For some odd reason — maybe this was all a setup, I don’t know — my wife pulled in the driveway just at that moment, coming home from her job more than ninety minutes early that day. The girl in the tight jeans and the bra and I both heard my wife pull in the driveway, and then she grabbed her sweater, which she had laid on top of a chair, said something like “This never happened,” and ran to the bathroom, presumably to put her sweater back on and compose herself.
My head was spinning and I needed some time to compose myself as well, but I wasn’t going to get that time. I turned back to making myself some coffee as my wife walked in the back door. I was going to ask what she was doing home so early, but then I thought that sounded suspicious, considering her friend’s car was in the driveway, so I didn’t say anything other than “Hey.”
Fortunately my wife immediately asked, “What’s __ doing here?”
I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I know that I started with a slow, “Well” — reminding myself that I was currently innocent of any wrongdoing — “I don’t know. She got here just as I started making coffee, and she’s in the bathroom.” I’m sure I must have also said something like, “When she got here I thought maybe you two were meeting up here to go out or something,” because that was my original thought when I saw her friend in the driveway.
I don’t remember what was said after that. Knowing me at the time, I probably went back to work while the other woman was still in the bathroom. My office was in the basement, so it was an easy way to remove myself from the situation. I’m sure I thought some combination of “What in the world was that all about?”, and “Geez, she’s pretty.” I had no idea if cold showers really worked for situations like this, but that sure sounded like a good idea, except it meant I would have to go back upstairs, and I sure wasn’t going to do that.
I do know that I never said anything about this to my wife, and I never spoke to this other woman about it again. I never saw her very much before this, so not seeing her much in the future wasn’t a big deal, meaning that I didn’t have to do anything to avoid her, and also meaning that if I wanted to talk to her about this it would have been an unusual meeting. As a result, to this day I have no idea what she was thinking, well, other than the obvious part. (Some times I think I know when another woman likes me, and other times I can be pretty dense about it, and apparently this time I was very dense.)
A lot of things like this happened when I was in my 20s and 30s — usually with girls I worked with or went to school with — and I know they happened for my wife as well. My niece is in her low-20s, so I guess her upcoming marriage makes me think that she and her spouse may be faced with 10-20 years of various temptations.
On the RSVP for their wedding invitation they had a little questionnaire, and they left one spot where they asked for marital advice. My reply was, “(This space intentionally left blank).” I assume that their upcoming wedding and that invitation is why these memories have been coming into my mind the last few days.