Tequila/Monk

*that moment when the doctor runs out of the room*

November 14, 2015

I went to see my urologist today for a routine one-year checkup, and to ask a couple of questions before an unrelated surgery I’m looking at. After we discussed everything she said, “Okay, ready for that exam?” (the DRE), knowing how much I enjoy it. So I dropped my pants, bent over the table, and a few moments after insertion she said something like “Oh no ... no. I’m sorry.”

Before I could think to say “What?” or “Are you talking to me, or are you on your cellphone back there?,” she pulled her finger out, threw a box of kleenex at me, and ran out of the room as she said, “I’ll be right back.”

“Fuck,” I thought, “I know this scene, I’ve played it before.”

I was still bent over the table, resting on my elbows, so I just put my head down and rested my forehead on my hands. After a few moments I said “Nothing to do but suck it up.” I cleaned myself with the kleenex, pulled up my pants, washed my hands, sat down and waited for her to come back in. “Well, at least this will be another slow-growing cancer,” I thought.

She came back in the room a little while later. “Sorry,” she said.

“That’s okay,” I said, “I’ve played this scene before with other doctors. Just tell me what’s going on, and what we need to do.”

“Change of plans,” she said, trying to be cheerful. “I felt a hard lump there, on the right side, and we need to look at it.”

Everything after this is just details.

11/13/15

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