Tequila/Monk

A vision of my own death?

July 2, 2016

I wasn’t feeling well this afternoon, so I came home and took a nap. As usual, I took a brief nap, woke up, then went back to sleep, and the vision occurred during the second round of sleep (as usually happens). During the vision I thought I was awake, and I was definitely me, but fortunately for now, I was dreaming. I’m not going to write any details about it here other than to say that if this is the way I end up dying, it is an acceptable/preferable way of dying.

I should also note that I don’t know if I die completely when this event happens. I only know that I’m doing something and then the lights go out completely, I’m gone. Maybe I’m not dead, but I know I didn’t wake up from the vision, it felt like every other time I felt like I have died (see below). I know where it happens and how it happens, but I don’t know when.

(Later that day)

As you can imagine, it takes a while to process seeing your own death. I’ve seen myself die in what I always assumed were past events, but this was clearly a future event. A lot of questions come up: Should I avoid the place where my death happens? Is there something I can change in my life to keep this from happening?

Part of the truth is that I am comfortable with the way I died, as I alluded to above.

Another part of the truth is that I have been getting sicker every week, and the doctors still aren’t very close to finding out exactly what’s wrong. Someone asked how I was doing a few days ago and I said, “Okay,” but the truth is that there aren’t any good days any more, just sick days and really sick days, but nobody wants to hear that, so you say, “I’m fine,” or, “Okay.” So, honestly, I would either like to be cured, or get this over with.

In this way I also feel like George Bailey standing on the bridge. My situation is that two of my sisters and my mother need money, I have a little bit of money, but my money is going fast, so if there’s anything honorable about accepting my own death, some of it has to do with knowing that I have written my will so that they will get some money, and hopefully that will help them. (Another truth in this area is that my oldest sister has more money than all of us, and she has not been helpful here. As a result, I have greatly reduced the amount of money she will get via my will, and the money I’m leaving to my other sisters and mother.)

Another truth is that I’ve learned not to discuss these visions, other than to write them here. If you discuss them with other people they tend to think you’re crazy. Some of the times I’m right, and many times I’m wrong, but the times that I’ve been right and I’ve said something to other people, the act of saying something to other people seems to alter the event. The result of that is that many things happen in the vision you had, but the main thing you told other people about, it’s like saying something to them alters the final result. Maybe you change your actions, maybe they change their actions. I know in one case I told someone something, and they clearly changed their actions, which changed the actions of the person I saw, and the end result was changed, while everything else I saw stayed just as I saw it.

Finally, after a recent (and final) discussion of a vision with someone else, I’ve made a promise that I won’t interfere in what I see any more, regardless of what it is that I see, and wouldn’t you know it, just after I make that promise, one of the next things I see is my own death? Isn’t that ironic, don’t you think?

(Even later)

I want to note that the way this has worked with visions in the past — where I have been personally involved in the vision — is this:

This has happened several times, and as you can imagine, the time leading up to the event makes you nervous, and then the end result is always very spooky.

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