One thing I’ve been “dealing with” lately goes like this: three years ago I clearly saw my father-in-law die in a vision; in an effort to stop that death I said something about it to my wife; as a result of that she made at least one more call to her father than she normally would; possibly as a result of that I later saw everything else in the vision come true, but my father-in-law did not die. (The death I saw was preventable.)
This year we just learned that my father-in-law has cancer, a potentially life-threatening form of cancer.
Based on my experience, most of the “noise” in dreams comes from events in the last 48 hours. For instance, this morning I had a dream with two of my sisters. One sister had just climbed a ladder up to our second story hotel room, and then we saw Karl Malden downstairs.
Note 1: Almost immediately upon laying down last night I felt the vibrations. They came quickly, passed quickly, and whoosh, I was out of the body. I rapidly lost control, but it was great just to feel the vibrations again.
Note 2: About 1:30pm today I got extremely tired and decided to lay down. I thought something might happen immediately, but I woke up twice, and ... nothing. I went to the bathroom, laid back in bed, and then the adventures began.
I spent six consecutive hours in the holodeck this morning, a personal record. I just hung out there trying to learn whatever it is that the universe wants to teach me. This morning’s lesson was on attachment and impermanence, and was taught with humor, irony, and metaphor.
During the night I had a long series of dreams/visions that I think were about this body. In retrospect I wish I had my notes as I went along, because I woke up often during the night, maybe 8-10 times. Before that, some of the visions started before I fell asleep.
The first of two things I remember most clearly goes like this: imagine a small stream or creek running. Then imagine that for some reason someone has built a home over the top of that creek, from one side of the creek to the other, so the fluid runs underneath the home (like a bridge).
I was putting some clean sheets on my bed tonight, and the feeling reminded me of this scene from The Family Man (and Jack falling asleep in the chair right after it); that after another hard day, my time remaining here has a “coming soon” expiration date:
I wrote about A vision of my own death almost exactly two months ago. What I didn’t write then is that it happens in the apartment I currently live in. I thought about this during this past Monday, when I got very sick again, and then again today when I started shaking and got very weak.
Monday afternoon, 3pm. My brain has stopped working. In a bad way. It feels like the two hemispheres are wrestling with each other in some sort of death match, and me, the bystander, is going down fast. I can’t articulate a thought, and despite plenty of sleep, I’m extremely tired.
Out of energy, I lay down in bed, wondering where this is going. I’m fading fast.
Sometimes, and I have no idea why, I have out of the body experiences at times I would never expect them. For instance, one time I was in Texas, got really drunk, and during the middle of the night, and Bam! — I was flying around the room without my body.
But experiences like that are the exception to the rule. The way it usually works is this:
The last year has been difficult health-wise. I’m eating better than ever before, and until recently I was starting to exercise again, mostly just going on long walks. Then on top of other things that have been going on, I had a lot of pain in my groin, and the short story is that I now have a hernia to go along with everything else.
Yesterday, mentally, I had enough of all of this. I haven’t been meditating much lately, and all of the health issues got to me, and I pretty much said, “I quit.”
In case it’s not clear from the rest of this blog post, I hate the phrase, “It was God’s will that <fill in the blank>.” My grandmother used to say that when I was young and I hated it then, and now my three sisters say it and it pisses me off even more.
I wasn’t feeling well this afternoon, so I came home and took a nap. As usual, I took a brief nap, woke up, then went back to sleep, and the vision occurred during the second round of sleep (as usually happens). During the vision I thought I was awake, and I was definitely me, but fortunately for now, I was dreaming. I’m not going to write any details about it here other than to say that if this is the way I end up dying, it is an acceptable/preferable way of dying.