April 12, 2019
I was walking down the sidewalk last night, really trying to feel my surroundings — trying to be my surroundings — when in an instant I was one of the teenagers in a group walking in front of me. It was a flood of feelings and emotions that I haven’t felt in a long time, a mix of joy, curiosity, uncertainty, and more. It wasn’t overwhelming, but afterwards it felt like Neo’s “whoa.”
March 31, 2019
Ugh, afternoon naps are the worst. I was feeling pretty out of it today, so I decided to lay down, and quickly fell asleep and floated away...
When I wake up I hear some children playing outside. I listen to them talk and laugh for a little while, and a thought comes to me that there are more children living here than there used to be. But I like hearing their voices; I'm glad it's sunny out, and that they're happy and playing.
March 25, 2019
One nice thing about deep meditation is that it also leads to deep, extremely realistic lucid dreams. This morning I had one of those deep lucid dreams, and it involved sex with someone I used to know. As we were involved in the deed I could smell the woman I was with and thought, “Oh, yes, I remember this smell. This is good.”
March 23, 2019
I found out this week that the cancer I had several years ago may be back again. There’s not much to say about it other than I’ve had one test so far, and it will be followed by two more tests over the next several weeks.
February 21, 2019
I went to a meeting last night, got home around 9pm, ate some junk food, had a couple glasses of alcohol (some scotch, to be specific), and eventually went to bed. After behaving badly like that I had no reason to expect anything to happen during the night.
Then early this morning I had a dream/vision that I was in the hospital and just got some medical news. I didn’t know what it meant, they were giving me medical terms about specific numbers and whatnot, but my wife and her sister were there with me and they were crying pretty hard.
February 17, 2019
As a brief note, my body attempted to have its first OBE of 2019 today, February 17, 2019. I was laying in a recliner, and had just finished a ten-minute Headspace meditation, followed by an hour-long meditation on my own. I fell asleep during my meditation, but woke back up somewhere around the 50-minute mark and was extremely peaceful and quiet.
January 23, 2019
It’s important to know that Terracina was bought by an outside investing group in October, 2018, so any reviews prior to that are out of date. My experience since that purchase has been:
December 27, 2018
It’s kind of weird, but in relationships with some married women there are times I’d like to say, “I wish we could go away together for the holidays,” or, “I’d like to make slow, passionate love to you,” or maybe, “I wish we’d made a few babies together.” But instead I just, “Thank you for the Christmas card,” or, “Merry Christmas.”
December 16, 2018
I had a good meditation going this morning. I was wide awake, and if there was any thought in my mind it would have been, “focus … focus … focus,” but even that wasn’t there, it was just intense meditation. Technically I was meditating on something called the Anapana Spot, but that’s a not a big deal, it’s just something to focus on. I could have been focusing on my breathing, a candle, or a mantra, but I don’t think that matters as much as the intensity of the meditation matters.
November 25, 2018
In a dream last night I became a little lucid. I was outside somewhere – in the dream I felt like I knew where I was, but awake I can’t recall it – and I decided to walk towards a main road. I took a few steps toward the road, and I can recall that there was grass all around me and there were many trees along both sides of the road. I felt the urge to fly, so I turned to my right, leaned forward and jumped into the flying process.
October 28, 2018
A long time ago I was madly in love with a girl that I worked with, and she was in love with me. Problem was, we were both with other people at that time, and we both had decisions to make about our relationships.
October 27, 2018
I noticed during my meditation this morning that my breathing had stopped. Not in a bad way, but a good way. I was meditating on something else, but this observation made me decide to quit focusing on that object and pay attention to my body. I eventually realized that I was breathing from time to time, but it was very shallow and very slow.
October 24, 2018
I had to travel a lot recently, something like 6.5 weeks out of the last eight. One day about two weeks ago when I was away from home and meditating I had the thought, “You should take a picture of that picture of X that’s in the lobby of the apartment complex when you get back home.”
The picture that thought referred to was of a woman who works at the apartment complex I live in. She and I have had some good conversations over the last few years, and she’s been a great friend to me. But at least in part because I’ve learned that relationships between men and women can be complicated, we never exchanged phone numbers or email addresses. (Had we met ten years earlier I would have certainly asked her out.)
Getting back to the story, when the thought, “You should take a picture of that picture” came to me I thought, “Wow, that’s kind of pervy. Maybe I’ve been living alone too long.” But then as if in response to that thought, a second thought came to me, “Because you’ll never see her again.”
May 28, 2018
When I was in New Mexico I met a woman who suggested that I needed to quit fighting a particular feeling I have been experiencing. She said that it was my heart chakra attempting to open, but each time it started to open, my Little Ego wouldn’t surrender, it held on to things as they are for dear life. She said that if I would just let go, I’d be on the path to loving all humans unconditionally.
May 6, 2018
When you read advanced meditation books it’s interesting to find authors say that psychic phenomena is common in advanced states. But it’s even more interesting to see the authors follow that statement by saying that as fascinating as those things are, they’re not important; if you let go of your attachment to them, you’ll find something even more spectacular...
May 5, 2018
When our lives are hit with big changes, it can take a while before we can wrap our head around how to deal with those changes.
February 4, 2018
Seems like it’s time for another break from Facebook. I intentionally tried to use it over the last two-plus months, but using it reminds me of two things. First, I have very little in common with most other humans.
Second, thinking about posting things on Facebook takes me away from the present moment. Instead of immersing myself in the moment I might think, “Oh, so and so on Facebook might enjoy a picture or little story about this.”
January 27, 2018
Pretty much thought I died this past Wednesday night (January 24, 2018). For some reason my heart has been pounding hard lately, especially at night. Wednesday night it was pounding very hard, then I had extremely severe chest pain, and I just tried to hold on, paying attention to each moment.
The pain got severe, then it suddenly stopped, and I figured I was dead, and this was the last moments of consciousness, or maybe I was heading towards the Bardo, or something else. Then I realized that by focusing very intently I started an OBE.