“How do I know if I should get married?”

February 19, 2009

I was recently asked by a friend about whether I thought she should get married to a particular person, or not. I didn’t have a chance to really think about my reply too much, but based on my own marriage, and the problems we encountered, I gave her my rules about whether she should get married to this particular person:

  1. The obvious one: Do you love him?
  2. Can you picture yourself having his children? If so, does it bring a smile to your face?
  3. (Thinking of Jessica Simpson’s current weight issues) Will you still want to be with him if he gains 50 pounds? Do you think he’ll want to be with you if you gain 50 pounds?
  4. Do you like to slow dance with each other?
  5. Are your spiritual beliefs anywhere near each other?
  6. Do you respect and admire him?

If I can think of more or better questions I’ll add them here, but again, based on my semi-long marriage and subsequent separation, I’m okay with these questions.

I want to add the question, “What types of things do you have in common?”, but I really think these things change over time, so I’m not sure how relevant that question is. The things I wanted to do when I was 20 don’t interest me at all now that I’m in my 40s. Along with that, my political beliefs have changed substantially as well, so I don’t think that’s anything you can hang your hat on.

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