Feeling mortal

January 8, 2013

I've been struggling with how to write the following thought over the last few months, but since I just spent nearly three weeks without an OBE, lucid dream, or even remembering my dreams, it seems like a good time to say it: I don't like life without these special effects. It's boring. It makes me feel mortal, and irritable.

The cause of this three week stretch is very clear: I was traveling, got sick, spent a lot of time with a lot of people, and was generally sleep deprived. Except for one night where I experienced a dog jumping on and off a bed while I was in the pre-sleep, hypnagogic state (the dog wasn't there in the known, physical world), I can't recall a dream from the last three weeks.

I'm not sure what else to say about this stretch, other than to say a) I enjoyed spending time with friends and family, but b) I hated not having my usual special effects during the night. I don't like going to sleep and then just waking up 6-8 hours later, with nothing happening during the night. I guess that I look at the nighttime as a time for experimenting and exploring, and when I can't do those things, I feel like something fun has been taken away from me, and after several weeks of this, I started to get irritable (though I tried to hide this frustration from everyone else).

Fortunately I've been able to sleep in my own bed the last two nights, and the special effects immediately restarted, and although I'm now irritable about other things, at least I get to have this fun again.

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