Anything But Love
Back in 1989-1990 I really liked a quirky little tv show named Anything But Love. The show was on two more years after that, but I didn’t watch much tv at that time, and didn’t know that until just now. It wasn’t a great tv show, at least not initially, but I really enjoyed the friendship between Jamie Lee Curtis and Richard Lewis. I was reminded of the show recently, found it on Amazon, bought it, and have been watching a few episodes the last two nights.
There’s a lot I could say about the show, but one thing I want to note is how quirky the outfits that Jamie Lee Curtis wore are. Actually everyone in the show wore some pretty “loud” outfits, but if you look at hers from the standpoint of “she’s my friend” or more accuratelty, “she reminds me of a friend at that time,” I thought about how much you need to let people be who they are. I just watched the first episode from the second DVD and thought, “Wow, that’s a really interesting, loud, individual, expressive outfit ... I like it.”
The reason I mention this is that you could see this Jamie Lee Curtis character and fall in love with her for many things she portrays on that show, but then if you’re actually dating that character or you marry her, there comes this tendency to try to change that person or control them. At least that’s what I’ve found in serious relationships, both that I feel like I want/need to control the other person, and also a feeling that they suddenly need to control/change me.
So when I think of the relationships that I’ve had, and in particular the relationships I wish I had but didn’t have, I’m kind of glad that I didn’t have them. I can still idealize that other person. If I could ever figure out how to be in a relationship where I could be myself and other person could be their self, I’d like that, but I don’t know if that’s really possible.