A few things I learned by having sex with married women
For a period of time after my wife and I were separated, Tequila ran my life (not Monk), and it was decided that I would only have sex with married women. I think that was probably an anger management issue on my part, but whatever it was, that’s what I did.
An interesting part of this is that almost all women had the same request: Would I go slow, slower than their husbands? Some women said they wanted to do something that their husbands didn’t want to do — kinky or exhibitionist things they felt uncomfortable doing with theirs husbands — but by and large it was just, “Please go slow, take your time.”
I had no problem doing that, as the whole thing helped me exorcise my own demons, and I learned about things like the Kama Sutra, blindfolds, tying women to beds, and other things that I should have learned about years before. An ironic thing about going slower is that after a while many women would say, “Please, fuck me hard now, harder,” so in the end the guy gets the physical release he wants as well. (Though I have to say, a lot of times it feels good to just be inside a woman that you like, without going anywhere fast.)
So, as a PSA to you married guys, there’s at least an 80% chance that your wife wants you to go slower, and to also try different things that she may be afraid to ask you for. Sometimes she wants you to be in charge, other times she may want to be in control, sometimes she might want to make a meal with you while partially dressed, another time it may be making love in the shower, on the deck, on the washing machine (while it’s running), in the back seat of a car, in the field behind the tennis courts, on the roof of an apartment complex, etc.
For some reason it’s harder for us to talk about these things with our spouses than it is with a near stranger, but I encourage you to keep those communication lines open.
One thing I want to add here is that while I understand that the Fifty Shades of Grey books are not for everyone, I think they’re actually important for young men. While I don’t know if I would have been into the whole S&M lifestyle, I think it’s important for a young man to spend time with a slightly older woman who can help him understand what a woman wants in bed. While there is something to be said for virginity, sex is an important part of a husband/wife relationship, and I think men in particular need to understand more about what women want in that area. Otherwise the women will eventually go looking for someone like Tequila.