Already dead, still alive

January 7, 2017

One thing I’ve been “dealing with” lately goes like this: three years ago I clearly saw my father-in-law die in a vision; in an effort to stop that death I said something about it to my wife; as a result of that she made at least one more call to her father than she normally would; possibly as a result of that I later saw everything else in the vision come true, but my father-in-law did not die. (The death I saw was preventable.)

This year we just learned that my father-in-law has cancer, a potentially life-threatening form of cancer.

While I’m saddened by this like everyone else, I’ve already gone through his death once before, so I feel really weird about this, in a way that’s odd and hard to describe. Having seen his death already I generally feel like every day I see him still alive is a gift for me, and arguably for everyone else. I know that everything else I saw in that vision happened — except for his death — so I feel like my wife and I did something to stop his death at that time.

I’m not sure what I want to write here exactly. One thought is that I see several people with great concern about his situation, but I’ve already seen him die, so I don’t feel that. I don’t want him to suffer, but I feel like I’ve already lived through his death. I don’t know where else to go with this post at this time so I’m going to end it here. If I can find some way of accurately describing my feelings I’ll update this post at that time ... it’s just a really weird feeling that I can’t seem to express.

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