Possible cancer, again
I found out this week that the cancer I had several years ago may be back again. There’s not much to say about it other than I’ve had one test so far, and it will be followed by two more tests over the next several weeks.
Sometimes stuff like this gets to you, and I’m certainly tired of it. But after a day or two you realize life goes on (until it doesn’t), there are bills to pay, that sort of thing, so you can’t dwell on things like this. When I feel like this is getting me down, I realize that I’m not really in the present moment, because as I’ve written before, if you’re truly in the present moment there is no space for feelings like this.
Another thing to say is that meditation really helps a lot in times like this. I think it would be really hard to say, “Oh crap, I have cancer, I better start meditating now,” but because I’ve been meditating for many years I use it as a way to calm myself, ground myself, and also use it as an escape mechanism from time to time.
I know a few other people that have a big fear of death, in addition to everything I’ve been through health-wise, meditation is a big help here. Once you get into the really deep stages of meditation, you realize that there’s nothing to fear (except for perhaps a lot of pain in those final moments, lol).